Tools for the Journey
Insight, Inspiration, and Resources for Daily Life
- Mutual Aid
Let’s Make Stone Soup
Picture by Pixabay on Pexels As a pluralistic religion, Unitarian Universalism is made of many stories, but there is one story that seems to have more staying power than others. It’s a story I heard when as a child at Heritage Universalist Unitarian Church, and one which I repeat regularly in my role as Director of Lifespan Faith Development, here at First – Stone Soup. If you are unfamiliar with the story, let me recap it for you quickly – a village experiencing famine is visited by stranger (or several). After the villagers tell the stranger they do not have enough food to feed them a full meal, the stranger decides to take matters into their own hands by making a big pot of Stone Soup for the whole village to share – filling their traveling pot with nothing but water and a stone. Fascinated by the stranger, villagers start asking, “can you really make soup from a stone?” “Of course” the stranger replies. “But,” they add, “the soup really would shine with a bit of carrot.” And, at that comment, one of the villagers offers a small carrot from their stores. Then, the soup could use a potato, and another villager offers a potato. And, on and on it goes until their is a hearty soup, ready for everyone to share. The message being that while we may not be able to give everything, everyone can give something, and in this way we can meet our collective needs. At it’s core, Stone Soup is a story about mutual aid, and it’s what I imagine church should be like at it’s best. And, so, I set out to learn more about Mutual Aid during my sabbatical. Here are some quotes and questions about Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During this Crisis (and The Next) by Dean Spade…
Quotes
- At it’s best, mutual aid actually produces new ways of living where people get to create systems of care and generosity that address harm and foster well-being. p. 2
- Mutual aid is collective coordination to meet each other’s needs, usually from an awareness that the systems we have in place are not going to meet them. p. 7
- As people were forced into systems of wage labor and private property, and wealth became increasing concentrated, our ways of caring for each other have become more and more tenuous. p. 8
- Under capitalism, social problems resulting from exploitation and the maldistribution of resources are understood as individual moral failings, not system problems. p. 13
- Solidarity across issues and populations is what makes movements big and powerful. Without that connection, we end up with disconnected groups, competing for attention and funding, not backing each other up and not building power. p. 15
- Mutual aid projects are participatory. Solving problems through collective action rather than waiting for saviors. p. 16
- Audacity is our capacity. p. 18
- The charity model we live with today has origins in Christian European practices of the wealthy giving alms to the poor to buy their own way into heaven. p. 21
- Activism and mutual aid shouldn’t feel like volunteering or like a hobby – it should feel like living in alignment with our hopes for the world and with our passions. It should enliven us. p. 27
- Part of the reason our dream of a savior government is so compelling is that it is hard for us to imagine a world where we meet core human needs through systems that are based on principles of collective self-determination rather than coercion. p. 39
- How do we imagine “scaling up” mutual aid to a point where everyone has what they need, and gets to meaningfully co-govern and co-steward the structures and conditions of their lives?… Governance and innovation remain local, but knowledge, support, and solidarity are networked and shared. p. 40 – 41
- People who have gotten to participate in decision-making and feel co-ownership of the project stick around and do the work. People who feel unclear about whether their opinion matters or how to be part of making decisions tend to drift away. p. 66
- We can make intentional decisions to change group culture by having conversations about a group’s tendencies and methods, talking about what is working and what is not, reflecting on how our own behavior can match what we want to see, and influencing each other. p. 71
- We are only practiced at being allowed to make decisions as individual consumers, and rarely get practice making truly collective decisions. p. 75
- When our groups are focused on getting important things done “out there,” there is rarely room to process our strong feelings or admit that we do not know how to navigate our roles “in here.” p. 108
- Burnout is prevented or lessened when we feel connected to others, when there is transparency in how we work together, when we can rest as needed, when we feel appreciated by the group, and when we have skills for giving and receiving feedback. p. 108
- We live in a society based on disposability… Humility, compassion for ourselves, and compassion for others are antidotes to disposability culture. p. 126
Questions
- When, during your life, have you participated in “collective coordination?” If you’ve never participated in it, can you think of a time when you would have welcomed it?
- How do you find modern society makes it difficult to care for others, or for others to care for you?
- What do you make of the phrase “Collective Self-determination?”
- Spade infers that, when it comes to mutual aid projects, ‘the people’ and ‘the work’ are one in the same – that to do the work, we must focus on the people. This is a counter cultural view of project work, which separates ‘the people’ and ‘the work.’ Think about past projects or groups (committees / teams) you’ve been a part of. How did those projects / groups view ‘the people’ and ‘the work?’ Which of those projects / groups felt “in alignment” with your “hopes” and “passions?”
- Could our culture’s pension for individuality and disposability be the reason people are so prone to leave when things ‘don’t go their way?’ Is there a way to combat this, to persuade people about the benefits of ‘collective care?’
To be honest with y’all, I didn’t love this book the first time I read through it. At times it felt like it was based too much in both basic reality, and abstract theory. And, I felt as if it didn’t offer much I could take with me into a church setting. But, upon review, I think it had some important bits of fat to chew on. Not unlike our next book. See you in October as we consider The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.
- The Body is Not an Apology
This is Me
Mx. Meredith Plummer As I mentioned in last year’s ‘Coming Out Day’ post, I’ve been questioning my gender for several year, ever since our minster at the time, Rev. Connie Simon, asked the congregation to wear pronoun stickers on their name tags. I encountered some ‘big feelings’ at her request, and at the time I didn’t quite know why. I gave the matter some real thought over the years, but it wasn’t until my sabbatical that I was finally able to delve deeper into the matter. And, it all began with Sonya Renee Taylor and her book The Body is Not An Apology. Thanks to Taylor, a few fiction authors, and the support of my communities, I can now say I’m transmasc non-binary (They/Them pronouns). Here are the quotes and questions I gathered from Taylor’s book that I think are worth considering…
Quotes
- How we value and honor our own bodies impacts how we value and honor the bodies of others… we must build in us what we want to see built in the world. p. 5
- “There is no wrong way to have a body” – Glen Marla p. 10
- Taking up space we have previously been denied is a step toward bringing a just balance of power and resources (i.e. space) in the world. It is an act of radical love. Why are we constantly apologizing for the space we inhabit? p. 16
- Understanding is not a prerequisite for honor, love, or respect… Not knowing is an opportunity for exploration without judgement or demands. p. 22
- Health is not a state we owe the world. We are not less valuable, worthy, or loveable because we are not healthy. p. 24
- Your body need not be a prison sentence. p. 26
- Children’s bodies are not public property. Teaching children bodily autonomy, privacy, and consent are the cornerstone of raising radical self-love humans. p. 33
- Rendering differences invisible validates the notion that there are parts of us that should be ignored, hidden, or minimized, leaving in place the unspoken idea that difference is the problem and not our approach to dealing with difference. p. 36
- Relationships with our bodies are social, political, and economic inheritances. p. 42
- It is an act of terrorism against our bodies to perpetuate body shame and to support body based oppression. I call this “body Terrorism.” p. 58
- You are not your thoughts. p. 67
- Guess what? Your brain is part of your body! p. 76
- Truthfully, radical self love is not the work of superheroes but of community and connection… we must learn to be with each other if we plan to get free. p. 80
- We desperately want our good intentions and niceness to be enough. Although each of us is inherently “enough” to be loved, valued, cared for, and treated with respect, our efforts to raze systems of oppression and injustice will require more than our niceness. p. 83
- Each of us is responsible for our sphere of influence. p. 88
- This responsibility [to disrupt body terrorism] is distinct from some sort of savior complex in which radical self love emboldens you to save the poor and downtrodden of Earth. Radical self-love is a manifestation of our interdependence. p. 89
- We treat new ideas like we treat bodies, dismissing what we can’t understand, what we view as too different. p. 101
- In a society incredibly adept at harsh and often cruel critique, it is deeply moving to witness one tending to their own culpability with a sense of humility, compassion, and grace. p. 111
- Liberation is the opportunity for every human, no matter their body, to have unobstructed access to their highest self, for every human to live in radical self-love. p. 130
Questions
- When Taylor talks about ‘taking up space,’ she’s not only talking about physical space, but mental, emotional, and social space as well. When was the last time you stopped yourself from taking up space? How would things have been different if you had claimed the space instead?
- When was the last time you engaged in exploration ‘without judgement or demand?’ What or who do you love, honor and respect without understanding?
- What makes you different from those in your communities?
- What messages does media send you about your body? What messages does the government send you? What messages did you receive about your body during your childhood? What messages do you tell yourself?
- How can you extend compassion and grace toward yourself today?
Thanks for reading! I hope you’ll come back in September for an overview of Dean Spade’s book Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity Through this Crisis (and the Next).
- Rest is Resistance
Rest
Picture by Ketut Subiyanto. I first encountered The Nap Ministry sometime around 2018. As an overtaxed mother, wife, and worker Tricia Hersey’s message of ‘Rest is Resistance’ resonated deeply with me. When Hersey’s book of the same name, Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto, was released I knew I had to read it for this sabbatical. Here are some of the key quotes and questions I took from my reading…
Quotes
- Survival is not the end goal for liberation. We must thrive we must rest. p. 5
- Our bodies are a site of liberation. p. 7
- Grind culture is a collaboration between white supremacy and capitalism. p. 24
- If we are not tapped into the truth of our divinity, there is the possibility of continued brainwashing. p. 15
- Nothing we accomplish in life is totally free of the influence of spirit and community. We do nothing alone. p. 18
- The removal of physical education, recess, and nap time from public schools is more evidence of a culture unconcerned with space, connection, and slowing down. This ongoing socialization and manipulation by the systems then become internalized and we become agents of grind culture. p. 23
- You are worthy of rest. We don’t have to earn rest… the more we think of rest as a luxury, the more we buy into the systemic lies of grind culture. p. 28
- Where spirit is, healing can happen. p. 33
- We don’t have to have a complete answer to everything right now. We don’t have to know everything. We don’t have to be everything. We don’t have to do everything. p. 59
- Stay in the space of knowing that you are not a failure, inadequate or unworthy because you are tired and want to rest. p. 67
- When we don’t take our own rest while holding space for others around us to rest, we are functioning like the systems we want to gain freedom from. p. 76
- There is no system in our culture that supports and makes space for us to rest. p. 94
- Rest is somatic work – connecting your body and mind. p. 120
- It can be easier to believe resting is simply about retiring to your bed when you are tired instead of beginning the messy process of deconstructing your own beliefs and behaviors that are aligned with white supremacy and capitalism. p. 122
- Rest is not a state of inactivity or waste of time. Rest is a generative state. p. 153
- You have permission to experiment. p. 173
- Rest on a somatic level is a small resurrection. p. 182
- We imagine by being in community. We imagine by receiving and offering radical care. We imagine by embracing and running toward our interconnectedness. p. 188
Questions
- Do you know you are divine? Do the people around you know they are divine? How does Unitarian Universalism convince people of their inherent worth and divinity when so many of our members were raised Christian, whose doctrine of original sin is in direct opposition to this belief?
- What would church look like if we centered space, connection, and slowing down? What would your life look like if church centered rest?
- What damage are we inflicting on our children when we don’t give them or their caregivers space and time to rest, when we overschedule and overdemand? Much has been said recently about Gen Alpha and the failings of Millennial parents. But, what if Millennial parents aren’t failing? What if we are just struggling to survive in a system designed for urgency and disconnection?
- How have you internalized grind culture? When was the last time you rested? Gave yourself permission to experiment? When was the last time you gave and received radical care from your communities?
- What does rest look like to you? When will you rest next?
That’s all for this month. Join me in August as I share my wonderings from Sonya Renee Taylor’s book The Body is Not An Apology (my second favorite Sabbatical read). Until then, rest.